I was presumptuous and didn’t let her get a word in edgewise.
She sent me an article whose title I found offensive – something about the “Black Dilemma,” with the added comment by her, “Amen!!!” (with THREE exclamation points!)…I was angry before I even read it! I received the article from her in an email that I got the night before I was to go to lunch with her. As soon as I saw her, the next day, I told her that I needed to cancel our lunch date, but that I would like to talk to her, please, when she had time.
She had time almost immediately.
I asked: “Why would you send me an article like this?!?!” And “Why would you write ‘Amen’ with not one, but THREE exclamation marks?!?!?” And “It made me cry!” And “How could you think you know me and send me something like that?!?!?!” And “Did you know that that article was originally posted on a website that is sponsored by a white supremacy group?!?!?” Then I proceeded to not listen to a single thing she said in response!
That was TWO MONTHS ago…Two very long months during which we have barely made eye-contact.
I found out the other day, that she is looking for a new church.
So, I talked to her today, and told her that I understand that she is looking for a new church…and I said that I pray that she will find a place where she can feel blessed and continue to grow.
She told me that she just couldn’t stay where she no longer felt that she had a pastor. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” I said.
We talked briefly about the meeting we had together following the email with the article in it…and her “Amen!!!” (with THREE exclamation points). She talked about how she had cried for three days after that meeting and how hurt she was that I had essentially called her a white supremist. She used my own words: “How can you think you know me, then think that of me?!?!?” “And “I don’t feel like I have a pastor anymore.”
“It was the ‘Amen!!!’ that I couldn’t understand,” I said. Then, continuing to exhibit diarrhea of the mouth, I continued: “We are called to figure this out! To figure out how we can live together without blaming the other for being ‘other,’ or insisting that ‘they’ become like ‘us.’” (my voice had THREE exclamation points and italics).
“I agree,” she said (but, again, I didn’t listen).
So, I just kept plowing ahead with something about the Kingdom of God, common good, whatever.
So, she said it again: “I agree with you.”
“What?”
She said something to the effect that “Well, it isn’t working, is it?” And “We’ve got to figure out how to make this work.” And “That’s what the ‘Amen’ was about.”
Oh, what a fool I have been.
Oh, what a gracious, gracious woman she has been in her mercy toward me.
She may well still seek another pastor – one who not only preaches about listening and gentleness and love and on and on and on…but who actually practices those things.
What was it that James said: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak.” (James 1:19)?
God, grow in me the gift of quick and sincere listening and slow speech…
