Quoting from an article called “Lasting Love” by Frank Honeycutt: “In his classic book The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck writes: ‘Of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that “falling in love” is love.’” Frank goes on to say “Falling in love is nice. Romance is fun. But it alone won’t sustain a marriage. All too soon one learns things about a new husband that weren’t known before – things that will drive a person nuts if you think about them too hard. All too soon one discovers wacky facets of a new wife’s personality that were never really noticed when dating.” The article continues: “Just before he died, Jesus gave some powerful advice to his disciples. It’s about the best advice that couples can hear too. Jesus said: ‘I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another’ (John 13.34) The little word ‘as’ in this context may be the most challenging in the entire Bible. The love Jesus describes here is less like a Hallmark card and more like a cross. The best marriages in know are marked by a love that looks quite a bit like a cross – love that is sacrificial, that gives to another from the very core of your being, love where a spouse is willing to die for the other. A strong marital relationship is less about elusive and ever-changing ‘feelings’ and more about actions: a willingness to set aside my agenda, my need to be right all the time, my hesitancy to forgive.”
Frank’s article appeared in the The Lutheran magazine in June 2003. I still have my original copy of the magazine. I quoted from the article for the first time at Melissa & Larry Hall’s wedding. The pages are brown now and have glitter stuck to them (I distinctly remember glitter at Melissa & Larry’s wedding). I quote from it at just about every wedding where I preach. It’s powerful. It’s honest. Marriage is challenging…no matter who you are.
Today, Cliff and I have been married 13 years. I don’t know whether or not there is an appropriate gift for a couple’s thirteenth wedding anniversary…
Depending on the day, perhaps a “Love Boat” extravaganza cruise (with Gopher, Isaac, Capt. Stubing, Julie, the whole gang! And glitter!)…Others days, a lifeboat would be the most appropriate gift.
I still have a lot of work to do; especially on that “set aside my agenda, and need to be right all the time, and hesitancy to forgive” part.
I think of my less-than-stellar-at-all-times service as wife (makes me think of how Christ must feel as “spouse” of the church…That’s in scripture somewhere, isn’t it?), and I thank God for all of you who have cheered, and supported and prayed us through to this point in our journey.
Mostly though, I thank God for Cliff and for his sacrificial love and his continual forgiving of the “wacky facets” of my personality that keep surfacing.
May the glitter of our wedding day stick to the pages of our life and love through the best and worst of all that is to come.
